Internat Noties

 

Looking at this later in the project, after completing this piece, I've come to the conclusion to use this to help with my sometimes iffy memory. I’ll be looking back at these when making the story.

Depression

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/living-with-depression-my-experience/

notes:

Own worst enemy

Compliments turned bad in mind

Impossible to sleep

Living a nightmare

Asking for help made her feel like a burden

Couldn’t see a future for herself

Believing everyone’s love for them was a lie

Beating self up for not hiding how they felt well enough

Wanted people to know, but wouldn’t tell

ISOLATED SELF

The most important thing in life is to be happy

Don’t focus on what other people want of you, just what you want of you

“Don’t suffer in silence” Again with this? Ah, I see. See first bold

You are not alone, others have been through what you have and come out the other side

Depression is an illness,it’s no more self centered then a broken leg

 

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/patient-story

notes:

Felt like killing themself

Lost interest in life

Loss of weight without dieting

Trouble falling asleep

Woke up every night at 3am despite normally waking up at 6:30 am

Low energy

Trouble staying focused and less ability to do job

CONVINCED that she made a mistake that would lead to the deaths of thousands of dogs(worked at a dog food-processing plant)

Believed she would be arrested soon

Would rather kill herself than be go to prison
Symptoms of major depression: Depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, weight loss, insomnia, restlessness, loss of energy, extreme guilt, trouble staying focused and thoughts of suicide

 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/31/experiences-of-depression-it-leaves-you-on-the-cliff-edge-of-sanity

The experiences of depression notes:

Zaps joy of sleep and relaxation

Robs enthusiasm

Panic, craving for company and someone to tell you it’s ok

It makes you incapable of asking for help, and forces you to put up a smile in front of others

Shows you the “Flaws” that make people hate you

Regret for all you’ve done wrong

Destroys your happiness, replaces it with sadness, regret and panic

Makes it hard to remember the happy times

Leaves you sad about the past being gone, and what you could have done but didn’t

Missed future

Overwhelmed by one’s own mind

A memory loop playing out the best way to end one’s own life

No one else can see your past mistakes and failures, only you, and only you can skew them into such terrible levels of self hatred, like you do

Their want for death is caused by compounded guilt for burdening others with it

The inclination that no one wants someone they love and admire to think that they are crazy(Causes lack of openness)

Learn to rationalize

 

https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/diseases/depression-anxiety.html

notes:

What is?

Feeling sad or anxious often or all the time

Not wanting to do activities that used to be fun

Feeling irritable‚ easily frustrated‚ or restless

Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep

Waking up too early or sleeping too much

Eating more or less than usual or having no appetite

Experiencing aches, pains, headaches, or stomach problems that do not improve with treatment

Having trouble concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions

Feeling tired‚ even after sleeping well

Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless

Thinking about suicide or hurting yourself

 

Causes/Things that increase chance of

Having blood relatives who have had depression

Experiencing traumatic or stressful events, such as physical or sexual abuse, the death of a loved one, or financial problems

Going through a major life change‚ even if it was planned

Having a medical problem, such as cancer, stroke, or chronic pain

Taking certain medications. Talk to your doctor if you have questions about whether your medications might be making you feel depressed.

Using alcohol or drugs

 

Anyone can get depression

Roughly 1 in 6 adults will experience depression at some point in their life

Can happen at any age, and to any kind of person

Many with it have other mental health disorders, like Anxiety disorders

 

Anxiety disorder

People who have anxiety disorders struggle with intense and uncontrollable feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, and/or panic. These feelings can interfere with daily activities and may last for a long time.

 

About 3 of every 10 cigarettes smoked by adults are smoked by people with mental health conditions

 

Therapy(Psychotherapy)

Getting healthier

Quitting smoking and stopping drug and alcohol use

Overcoming fears or insecurities

Coping with stress

Making sense of past painful events

Identifying things that worsen your depression

Having better relationships with family and friends

Understanding why something bothers you and creating a plan to deal with it

Suicidal Thoughts

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/about-suicidal-feelings/

notes:

Thoughts about ending one’s own life

Feeling that others would be better off without you

Thinking about methods of suicide or making clear plans to end your own life

Feeling suicidal can make one confused or scared, along with possibly feeling overwhelmed by those feelings

Unable to cope with the difficult feelings you are experiencing

Feeling less like you want to die, but like you can’t keep living the life you have

The feelings can build overtime or change from moment to moment

It’s common to not understand why you feel this way
 

How one might think/feel

hopeless, like there is no point in living

tearful and overwhelmed by negative thoughts

unbearable pain that you can't imagine ending

useless, not wanted or not needed by others

desperate, as if you have no other choice

like everyone would be better off without you

cut off from your body or physically numb

fascinated by death. 

 

What one might experience

poor sleep, including waking up earlier than you want to

a change in appetite, weight gain or loss

no desire to take care of yourself, for example neglecting your physical appearance

wanting to avoid others

making a will or giving away possessions

struggling to communicate

self-loathing and low self-esteem

urges to self-harm.

 

How long suicidal feelings last is different for everyone. It is common to feel as if you'll never be happy or hopeful again.

The earlier you let someone know how you're feeling, the quicker you'll be able to get support to overcome these feelings. But it can feel difficult to open up to people.

 

May want to tell others and have them understand, but may feel

unable to tell someone

unsure of who to tell

concerned that they won't understand

fearful of being judged

worried you'll upset them.

 

https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/suicidal_thoughts.aspx

Direct Quoting notes(This one was really long so I thought why not?):

Some people are in such great pain or in such difficult circumstances that they feel that their lives aren't worth living. Suicidal thoughts may be brought on by a major life transition, such as the death of a loved one, loss of a job, or the end of a relationship-situations that may leave people feeling overwhelmed, desperate, hurt, and helpless.

 

Other people may be experiencing a steady decline in the quality of their lives, and may blame themselves and think that something is wrong with them. The more they blame themselves, the less worthy they feel of having success, having friends, or having fun. They perceive the future as hopeless. Others feel so buried under so many things that have gone wrong that they feel like they are drowning.

 

Warning signs

talking about committing suicide and preoccupation with death and dying

trouble eating or sleeping and noticeable change in personal appearance

loss of interest in work, school, or hobbies and withdrawal from social activities, friends, and family

experiencing or expecting a significant personal loss (spouse or other)

drastic change in behavior, often taking unnecessary risks as if they didn't care what happened

increased use of alcohol and drugs

signs of preparing for death-making funeral arrangements or giving away prized possessions

the most significant indicator is an expression of suicidal intent.

 

One of the most important things that you can do if someone you care about talks about suicide is to remain calm and listen to that person. Remember that people who are feeling suicidal isolate themselves, so reaching out to them is vital. They need you to encourage them to talk and then they need you to listen carefully.

 

What can you do?(Important to keep in mind)

Talk openly and directly about suicide. Use the words "suicide", "kill yourself", and "dead" in a clear way.

Be non-judgmental and accept the person's feelings, even if you disagree with them. Don't get into a debate as to why they should stay alive, or whether suicide is right or wrong; your arguments won't help and the suicidal person might tune you out.

Show your interest and support. Don't let the person swear you to secrecy. It's unfair of them to ask you to do so.

As a person tells you that he or she is thinking about suicide, start thinking about people you can ask for help. You can do a lot to help the person initially, but the situation is too dangerous to handle entirely on your own. Your best source of help will ultimately be a mental health professional, most likely a therapist, who has the knowledge and training to give the suicidal person the assistance they need.

 

Therapy

Initially, the therapist will talk with the suicidal person and listen carefully as he or she tells their story. A test may be done to determine how suicidal the person is. The person may also be asked to sign a "no suicide contract,” in which he or she promises not to commit suicide without first seeking help. If the therapist feels that the situation is too dangerous, the therapist may suggest short-term hospitalization to keep the suicidal person safe for the moment.

 

The therapist will treat the suicidal person as a unique individual with unique problems. This can be accomplished in several ways-some therapists will see the individual alone, while others will see suicidal people in groups. Marriage and Family Therapists conduct therapy sessions with both the individual and his or her family. Because so many suicidal people isolate themselves, family therapy brings the family into the sessions to support the individual who is having problems. The family can also provide insight as to what pushed the person to consider suicide, and what might change in his or her life to make life better. Once the family understands the suicidal person's story and feelings, they can help him or her from sliding back into isolation. The family will be asked to agree to work with the suicidal person in order to change the atmosphere of the family into one of hope and mutual encouragement. In this way, the person with suicidal thoughts, the therapist, and the family act as a team to improve the family relationships and, in the end, the life of the formerly suicidal person.

 

Abuse

https://casaspeaks4kids.com/identifying-different-types-child-abuse/

Direct quoting notes(The Direct Quoting notes are indeed just copy pasting what I found in the sites and thought was important enough and that I also couldn’t think of a way to summarize at the time, what would you expect? These are notes to help me remember when I go back to them when creating the story):

Physical abuse

Physical Abuse is the deliberate intention to inflict pain. When someone hears the term “child abuse”, they most commonly associate it with physical abuse. Wounds, bruises, burns, fractures, and sore muscles are signs of physical abuse, but abuse can also result from severe acts of discipline. Injuries that don’t coincide with the explanation and untreated medical or dental needs are also red flags for physical abuse.

 

Emotional abuse

Behaviors toward the child that cause mental anguish are considered emotional abuse (also called psychological abuse). Examples of emotional abuse are shouting often at the child, withholding kindness or affection, extended periods of silence, and harsh jokes at the expense of the child. Calling the child names or making other demeaning remarks can be termed emotional abuse and usually results in low self-esteem. Children who have been emotionally abused may suffer from depression or desperately seek affection. Other symptoms include social withdrawal and delayed or inappropriate emotional development.

 

Neglect

Parents or caregivers who are continually unavailable for the child are considered neglectful. Even if the parent is physically present but unavailable or refuses to care for the child or meet his/her needs, neglect occurs. Imagine a young child left at home alone for extended periods of time with no food in the house and an infant sibling to care for—this would be an example of child neglect. The parent may have a substance abuse problem, mental illness, or be too consumed with a job or another person to properly care for the child. The warning signs for neglect include poor growth, weight loss or gain, poor hygiene, lack of appropriate clothing or supplies to meet their needs, stuffing themselves at one meal and hiding food for later, or stealing food or money. Neglect is the most common type of child abuse.

 

Sexual abuse

Touching a child in a sexual manner, or having sexual relations with the child is sexual abuse and includes any behavior toward the child for sexual stimulation. This type of abuse is characterized by fondling, forced sexual acts, and indecent physical exposure. Whether the abuse occurs as an isolated incident or as repetitive conduct that continues for years, both types are considered sexual abuse of a child. Often, the perpetrators are the child’s relatives or people closest to the family – individuals who no one imagined would commit such deeds. These behaviors in a child can signal sexual abuse: knowledge or promotion of sexual behavior premature for his/her age; sudden difficulty with toilet habits in a young child; pain or itching, bruises or bleeding in the genital area. Other symptoms are trouble sitting or walking, blood in his/her underwear, and sexual abuse of other children.

(Might keep away from this type of abuse since it’s graphic(at least a bit too graphic for me) and this is a school project)

 

Long Term Effects

Lasting damage can be inflicted by all types of abuse. The effects of child abuse go far deeper than the physical marks left behind. The child may develop relationship issues and experience trust problems. Feelings of being worthless or low self-esteem issues are common, and the child may exhibit difficulty-controlling emotions.

 

https://reachma.org/blog/6-different-types-of-abuse/

Direct quoting notes(This was the last notes I did, so I did direct quotes because I was getting tired of staring at these and doing these, motivation is hard to keep up when you keep doing the same thing)):

a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another

not just one incident

Physical abuse is usually not the first used by an abuser, and they can use many different abuse types(non-quote note)

 

Physical

This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word ‘abuse.’ It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone’s physical space, and in any other way making someone feel physically unsafe.

 

Sexual

While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, we put it in a category by itself because it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a means to judge their partner and assign a value – in other words, criticizing or saying that someone isn’t good enough at sex, OR that sex is the only thing they’re good for. Because sex can be so loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control. It wasn’t until 1993 that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states, so some people may still assume that sex is something a partner is entitled to, and not recognize it as a larger pattern of power and control.

(Once again, probably not gonna go into this one due to the graphicness that it would bring, but good to put it here anyway to show I did look into it)

 

Verbal/Emotional

As one survivor puts it, “My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass, cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn’t think I was abused because he didn’t hit me- usually… I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid, how ugly, and how no one would ever want me.” Other survivors have pointed out that while the signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.

 

Mental/Psychological

Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other’s sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. We’ve heard stories of abusers deliberately moving car keys (and in one case, the whole car!) or a purse, dimming the lights, and flat-out denying that certain things had taken place. The result of this, especially over a sustained period of time – and often with the isolation that abusers also tend to use – is that the victim depends on the abuser more and more because they don’t trust their own judgment. They also hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they’re experiencing, for fear they won’t be believed. Angela, a participant in one of our Support Groups, said, “He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe me about the abuse.”

 

Financial/Economic

Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor’s name, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. Many of the survivors we work with have problems with their credit, because of an abuser’s past behavior. A bad credit history can affect your ability to get an apartment, a job, a car loan, and any number of other things necessary for self-sufficiency. We work with survivors to get these issues resolved, but social safety nets such as food stamps, cash assistance, and health insurance can provide a much-needed bridge in the meantime.

 

Cultural/Identity

Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim’s particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to ‘out’ someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family don’t know, or isolating someone who doesn’t speak the dominant language where they live – all of these are examples of cultural abuse.

 

An abusive relationship can include any or all of these types of behaviors, sustained over a period of time and often escalating.

 

Self Doubt

https://www.lifehack.org/567587/the-reasons-of-self-doubt-and-steps-to-deal-with-it

Self Doubt notes:

Lacking confidence, feeling incapable

Worry about things they can’t control

Worry about things not going to plan

Lack of belief in one’s own abilities, especially when singled out to do a task due to such abilities

Delaying work, procrastination

“I could’ve done better”

Past experiences, like abuse, cause self doubt.

Reference past mistakes and learn from them

Parents who tell you that you aren’t good enough will cause you to question your own actions/capabilities

Also goes with parents saying grades aren’t good enough and being very strict about them /\

Comparing oneself to others will only make you lose yourself

If you compare yourself to others too much it can make you doubt yourself

New challenges are NORMAL to be afraid about, so don’t worry, everyone worries

Fearing that you’ll fail or will succeed

The best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to find something positive to focus on in the moment

Prepare something positive you can always go to (FRIENDS?)
Take a break, shift focus somewhere else, find ways to boost your optimism(Look back on what your grateful for)

SEEK HELP(Oh god, is this really a suggestion? We’re looking at those who wouldn’t normally)

 

https://www.ajpe.org/content/82/2/6990

Imposter Syndrome notes:

Feelings of phoniness, self doubt and inability to take credit for accomplishments

Intellectual self doubt, they often high achievers

Provides motivation to persevere, but causes one to overwork and overprepare

Belief of compliments for roughly 10 seconds, 11th self doubt happens

Rule 1 to breaking it: Breaking Silence(Oh boy, this again) Consider admitting to yourself that you do have self doubt(Looking back on this in the future, this one’s a bit different)

Rule 2: Feelings are not facts, feeling stupid does not equal being stupid

Rule 3: Recognize when you start feeling like a fraud

Rule 4: Make the positive parts of your life more noticeable to you, focus on the positive

Rule 5: Create a new reaction to failing/making a mistake

Rule 6: Right the rules, It’s ok to ask for help

Rule 7: Develop a new script, identify when one feels off, also if feeling off is right for that moment

Rule 8: Focus on the what goes right, more than what goes wrong, 10 things right vs 1 thing wrong

Rule 9: Reward yourself, allow people to compliment you.

Rule 10: Fake it ‘til you make it